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Why is it that most people only take stock of their lives after a tragedy? Is it because daily life gets in the way? Are people so scared of losing their jobs and homes that they stop thinking? Why do people live in impossible situations for years without thinking of changing things, improving things or just leaving? 

I'll tell you why. Because there are seen and unforeseen consequences when making major changes in your life which effects your entire family. Spouses are resistant to change just as they are resistant to making a marriage work until it's over. Sometimes you have to give up on people, not because you care but because they don't. After you have done all you can for someone and they only punish you for trying, at some point you have to stop and walk away. Sometimes walking away can literally cost you your life. Not walking away can also cost you your life. Literally and figuratively. The most dangerous time for a woman is when she is leaving a relationship. Check out all the domestic violence statistics. 

People think you can just end the relationship and the violence will stop. It won't. By the time you get to the point that your life is in danger, you are so broken down in every way that you can't leave and it's virtually impossible to get help. People say there are resources out there for you. Sure there are places to call which are always out of money and have no room to house you and your kids. Relatives and friends offer to help and encourage you to leave then when it's actually time for action they leave you in a lurch. It's demoralizing. You are already so isolated and alienated from the rest of the world that you are ready to just implode. 

It's important to believe in yourself but it's hard when you have been verbally abused for so long. It takes time to heal and rebuild your life and nearly impossible to do when someone has intentionally destroyed all your resources as a means of control. It's especially hard when they deny you basic necessities and destroy your credit and sabotage you at every turn. 

Stay strong, stay nimble. Make a plan and stick to it. Don't fall for the line that things will get better. They won't-not for long, then they get worse and escalate. Call the domestic violence hotline, that's a good start. 

Hang in there. You CAN live through this. 

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