Saturday, January 09, 2010

Midlife Pregnancy Digest

So far so good this week. No vomiting episodes, no uncontrollable food cravings for dirt or metal, nothing strange which is strange for me. Just exhaustion and sleeping like a mama bear in hibernation. The 15-20 weather in TX is a rarity but the weather here sucks 24/7 365. Question my decision to move back every second of every day.

My stomach is huge, my balding sister told me that, "Your stomach wasn't that big when you were 9 months pregnant last time. Maybe it's because you're fatter now!" I keep having a feeling of certainty about having twins which disturbs me and doesn't phase me at all. I'm trying to maintain a sense of zen/calm/catatonia to keep me from losing it and spending my days chewing on checkers in a mental ward while wearing my flannel Sesame Street pajamas.

I've never had a pregnancy this normal which is good. I'm just trying to remain detached in case I lose this child like I did the last one. It's a self-defense mechanism. I can't really picture having the child yet so I can't picture losing it yet. I'm in limbo.


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