1 year

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In a couple of weeks my daughter will be one year old. This year just flew by and so many amazing milestones have been surpassed. From reading that you would think this is my first baby. It's not, I have a teenage son as well. Both my children are very smart and they are both precious to me. I hope I am successful in letting them know every moment how much they are cherished and adored.

When I look at them I think of carrying them inside my body so worried about them and excited to meet them. I see them being born and looking at them for the very first time. Their first cries, first smiles, first words are all my most priceless treasures. The first year goes by too fast! I tried to savor it with both of them but I think I could have done better.

This year involved joy and pain in abundance. On May 31, 2011, I went to the Dr. to confirm a pregnancy just after I had gotten used to the idea of having another baby and I had a miscarriage. This was the second one since 2008. I love children and never thought I'd have more than one. I don't know how I cope with the loss. I suppose the kids keep me too busy to dwell on it. Maybe I'm able to compartmentalize it. Maybe my heart has been shattered so many times that I've grown accustomed to pain.

I try to stay positive but it's difficult. I celebrate my children's birthdays and mourn the due dates of the babies I lost. I've lost all the worldly possessions one can lose and it didn't kill me. Losing my children would kill me. I'm so thankful that I have two beautiful, intelligent and funny people to raise and enrich my life. I just hope they always love me back.

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