Showing posts with label pilot varsity pens. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pilot varsity pens. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Pilot Varsity Pens and other fetishes

    I've had a lifelong love of pens and writing. As a child I had two escapes from the turmoil in my household, reading and writing. Keeping a diary as a child and a journal as an adult helped make sense of my life. When my Mother threw away all my belongings it was the pens and journals that I missed most. It was like erasing my existence. Mommie Dearest has always had serious control issues to make a huge understatement. 


    As a child the most exciting part of the new school year for me was getting new school supplies and notebooks to write stories on. I was a model student and daughter yet when my teachers praised me, my Mother would tell them that I was the opposite at home-one of millions of lies and character assassination of the decades. My journals were a way of setting the record straight. I also intended to leave them to my children or possibly publish them if anyone was interested. 

    My favorite pen to express myself is the Pilot Varsity Pen. It's a disposable fountain pen! They come in seven colors and every time I have ever seen one I HAD to buy one. It's a compulsion much like in the movie "Conspiracy Theory" where Mel Gibson keeps buying the book "The Catcher in the Rye." I feel a rush then at ease when I make my purchase. I used to think it was a shopping compulsion but it has a deeper meaning. I was never able to verbally express my feelings or defend myself to my mother so writing them down was a release. 


    As a result I had acquired hundreds of pens, maybe a thousand. I like unusual pens and notebooks, things with character. I feel like my thoughts and feelings are important, even if my parents and siblings don't think so. I'm not interested in what they think. 


    I had a diary from one of my Grandma Grace's mother's sisters, Ruby Randall and it was from 1912 to about 1935 and I was really interested in reading it. I thought that perhaps someday when I'm dead, someone would be interested in reading about my lifetime. They took that away from me along with all my other worldly possessions. I haven't done anything to be on the receiving end of such ugliness. 


    I can rewrite history if I can just find some new Pilot Varsity Fountain Pens.

     

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