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As a child the most exciting part of the new school year for me was getting new school supplies and notebooks to write stories on. I was a model student and daughter yet when my teachers praised me, my Mother would tell them that I was the opposite at home-one of millions of lies and character assassination of the decades. My journals were a way of setting the record straight. I also intended to leave them to my children or possibly publish them if anyone was interested.
My favorite pen to express myself is the Pilot Varsity Pen. It's a disposable fountain pen! They come in seven colors and every time I have ever seen one I HAD to buy one. It's a compulsion much like in the movie "Conspiracy Theory" where Mel Gibson keeps buying the book "The Catcher in the Rye." I feel a rush then at ease when I make my purchase. I used to think it was a shopping compulsion but it has a deeper meaning. I was never able to verbally express my feelings or defend myself to my mother so writing them down was a release.
As a result I had acquired hundreds of pens, maybe a thousand. I like unusual pens and notebooks, things with character. I feel like my thoughts and feelings are important, even if my parents and siblings don't think so. I'm not interested in what they think.
I had a diary from one of my Grandma Grace's mother's sisters, Ruby Randall and it was from 1912 to about 1935 and I was really interested in reading it. I thought that perhaps someday when I'm dead, someone would be interested in reading about my lifetime. They took that away from me along with all my other worldly possessions. I haven't done anything to be on the receiving end of such ugliness.
I can rewrite history if I can just find some new Pilot Varsity Fountain Pens.
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