Letting Yourself GO

The last couple of years have been HORRIBLE! "Jacob's Ladder" variety horrible. The kind that makes you wonder who you screwed over in a past life to deserve this kind of misery. Misery does indeed love company so read on my Lovelies!

My odyssey of suffering began back in 2000 when some hillbilly at work began harassing me. I have come to ignore a lot of stupidity being an attractive female trying to support my son but this inbreeder was off the charts! He was the physical equivalent to the rapist in Deliverance. I want to take a shower just thinking of him. It literally makes me cringe. After months of polite refusals, this guy decided to show me the money! Yuk! I had no choice but to call HR who promptly fired him then turned around and fired me. I couldn't find a job ANYWHERE for over three long years. Independence was a great source of pride for me.

I learned about myself and the world around me during that time. The one good thing that came out of it was being able to spend more time with my child. I learned that money didn't make me happy but I had problems providing the basics at times. It was either feast for famine.

I'm the middle child so naturally in my family I became the glue to held the group together. Any time someone needed advice I was the go to girl. I was the only one who had it together when everything and everyone was falling apart. The problem was that I was taken for granted. When I needed help there were only tumbleweeds to keep me happy in the ghost town of my realm.

I was the one who took everyone to the hospital and stayed with them no matter the cost to me for 4 long months. I stayed in the hospital with my brother when he nearly died from Osteomyelitis. This involved hours on end of screaming on his part and my reminding nurses to bring his medication on time. I had more than my share of Aurora Greenway moments (Give my Brother the shot!). He was only 41 at the time and they were asking me to choose a Hospice so you can imagine the toll that takes on your psyche. His "wife" refused to visit him and only called him on the phone to inform him she would put him in a nursing home if he survived. Then she tried to attack me in the hospital and ripped his IV out of his arm! Dr.s told me it was a miracle he's alive and able to walk. He went back home to the succubus. Now he's not allowed to talk to me.

While he was in the hospital, my younger brother fell off a skateboard and fractured his skull. My son called me and told me that I needed to come over because he had blood shooting out of his head and ear. I called 911 and watched the EMT's panic because they couldn't stop the bleeding. I insisted the call a chopper to take him to a trauma unit since sitting in rush hour traffic would have meant his death. He's permanently deaf in one ear, can't smell or taste and can't remember much or learn new information. He refused my help to get him SSI so that my Mother wouldn't have to support him indefinitely.

After these and more mindbending events, I find myself obese! I never had a problem before. In December 2005, I fell in a friend's driveway and broke my right arm, including my elbow because she neglected to shovel snow from her driveway. She's an RN and refused to take me to the hospital. Two days later her boyfriend drove me to the airport and they pretended nothing happened! She refused to give me her homeowner's information! I couldn't drive myself home from the airport. Now her boyfriend, my best friend for 10 years doesn't speak to me. He doesn't understand why I'm upset. Whatever! I couldn't do anything for myself for 4 months! I was stuck at home with no help. Evidently that caused a major weight gain.

Every waking moment is a Calgon Moment! It's a waking nightmare. Don't get me wrong, I've got a great sense of humor and I have to laugh or I'll cry but enough is enough. I've come to the point where I've just told everyone to leave me alone and take on their own problems but is that enough?